"Take some time
Just hang around awhile
Like to sit this silent moment out
I don't want to lose or let you down
Time's just gonna change itself around"
- "In Time" Zero 7
Growing up, growing older is a confusing process. I just had dinner with a friend and we both talked about how awkward we feel. Not the awkward you feel on a first date. Not even the kind where you call your boss's wife by the wrong name. Like, his first wife's name. Or his second mistress' name.
It's the kind of awkward that I remember from around the 11th grade. Where I didn't feel I quite had control over my body, my mind, or my many emotions that were overtaking me. Thoughts of an independent being would come spilling out of my mouth before I could even fully consider what they actually meant, let alone recognize where they would land. From that point on, I was trying to get to this point, where the independent impulses are within my control to some degree. Now that I feel myself arriving at that point, I feel like time has played the ultimate hat trick. I still feel as awkward as I did then. Even more so.
It's nice though to look back over the past few years and see how time has changed me and those around me. As we plan our lives and toss back and forth ideas and fears, hopes and goals, we each place one more brick into something great we've dreamed of. Even though we've made attempts in the past, only to see our progress crumble before our very eyes, we've learned to recognize when we need a new foundation, or we just need to move to a newer ground. We've learned the mistakes of a mason and applied the lessons of a master carpenter. And now, while the days run into themselves, and we run the rigamarole that gets tiresome and somewhat boring on the surface, I know that beneath it all, we're all building. And that's beautiful to me.
Time has somehow changed itself around in so many ways.
"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." -Zora Neale Hurston "Their Eyes Were Watching God"
When I did PPIA a few years ago, I was entranced by this quote in the Kraus Campo at CMU:
“IN WALK THEY DIRECTION THE CHANGED HAVE PEOPLE THAT THAN MORE NO SAID HAVE YOU THAT MIND YOUR IN CLEAR BE SHOULD YOU THEN BUT :LIKE YOU IF THAT IT CALL CAN YOU COURSE OF .DAY ONE BACKWARDS WALKING START SHOULD MEN IF DIRECTION ITS CHANGE WOULD TIME :THIS TO COMES ENTROPY OF LAW THE AND 'TIME OF DIRECTION THE ABOUT SAYS EDDINGTON WHAT”
Initially intrigued by the sheer fact that it was backwards! (i'm a simple man with a simple mind at the end of the day), I became so enthralled that the content of the quote itself left a significant impact on me.
Translated: "What Eddington says about the direction of time and the law of entropy comes to this: time would change its direction if men should start walking backwards one day. Of course you can call it that if you like: but then you should be clear your mind that you have said no more than that people have changed the direction they walk in."
So when I encountered this quote, my time was beginning to change. I was beginning to see the joy in life, and feel that my faith was truly bringing into manifestation the bricks and mortar for me to build my dreams. Instead of running from what I'd looked at as ruins, castrated visions of a dreamer, I saw the blessing in it all. Like I could change directions and walk through it all again, just tog et right back to the moment I was in at the time.
Perhaps it's all just a side effect of my own entropy, then and now. Time just seemed to change itself around.