Thursday, November 19, 2009


I'm on a pursuit to continue being happy. That's what I wake up for, it's what I go to sleep thinking about, and it's what I dream about during the in-between time. While the moon is hung high on a string, it's whispering for me to be happy.

One of the most critical components of happiness for me is freedom. Freedom to feel. Freedom to play. Freedom to think. Freedom to believe. All of that. Most important though, to my own happiness, is the Freedom to express.

So this is a challenge, and an opportunity for me, myself and I. For all three of us ;) to come together, sit down and take the time to exercise a new freedom of expression.

I remember one of the first times I found happiness after a long period of seeming to only be surrounded by its antithesis. I was about eleven or twelve. There had been nothing but tumult all around, up until this one Fall day. I was starting at a new school, in a new district, in a whole new city, for the first time. I had a brand new set of classmates and potential friends to meet. I was also emotionally, mentally and physically out of touch with myself. I mean, completely disconnected. No glue. Dried up.

Yet it was brilliantly clear to me that somewhere, something was happening especially for me. It was the assurance of fulfillment that you experience when you're heading home, knowing someone is already there cooking up something just for you. Your favorite cook (my favorite cook of the moment would be Chef Chris Rossi, Chef-owner of Citron in Rockridge, Oakland, CA. 510 holla!) preparing your favorite meal, all according to your expectations and needs for achieving happiness.

Right, happiness. So, I remember beginning this one Fall day with the manifestations of the above mentioned state of disconnected being, and ending it feeling very happy, almost the complete opposite. All it took was someone recognizing me from my writing, and not only recognizing, but listening. Or hearing. Whichever one is actually listening, and feeling, and responding. Responding with teachings, support and someone to really believe in. This person, and many others like them (I've had a string of really impactful teachers that still play a big role in my life), will come up again I'm sure, so I will spare the details and minutiae.

All in all, this teacher guided me onto a path of expression that has remained, and in fact grown. They showed me the power of writing and speaking as a means of strength and survival. The idea that what I thought, what I felt, had value and should be shared was novel to me. We may act on that principle early on in our lives, but, maybe because I had never heard it actually spoken, it hit me and keeps hitting me. So I've carried that ideal on with me, rarely being afraid to say what I feel, or what I'm thinking.

This challenge for me is in part to push my writing into equal balance with my speaking. I need to be able to sit down and write out my thoughts as easily as I could speak them.

I should probably mention the challenge.

I co-opted this from a good friend. It fits perfectly with one of my goals, which is to be more active in developing my writing.

The challenge is to write daily for 30 days. I am pushing myself to a little longer of a period and challenging myself to write daily until the end of the year.

If you read, please comment.

Actually, first, please read. I'll be sharing lots of different stories and perspectives on here and hope to have it be more of a dialogue with like minds and kindred souls out there. Although my soul is Black, high and flighty, and loves the feeling of the color blue, my soul also loves other souls of all color, source, ideal and social stations.

Random Point #1: Please go see "Precious", with a critical but open mind. Also please read the book "Push" by Sapphire.

Random Point #2: Please DO NOT go see "The Blind Side", unless you go with a critical mind. More to come regarding this point, cause thoughts about this are boiling over in my head nonstop.

Here's a song that got me through to my happiness. I think I might have been playing it on repeat around that fateful Fall day.

Peace and Joy.


Lishaun said...

On "Push/Precious": Poverty Porn. We talked about this.
The Blind Side: More poverty porn. Won't be going to see this.

On being happy: IT'S SOO IMPORTANT. I can't tell you how much other people wanna steal my joy. this is why I live alone. And screen my calls: especially from one parent, because happiness is a quest and i refuse to be thrown off track.


Lydia said...

i love this. i love that you're pushing yourself to write each day a) because i am always entertained, provoked, or intrigued by the random comments that come my way on FB, and b) because i've been thinking of doing this in a much more personal space for a bit now, but alas have not begun. maybe you've encouraged me to do so friend.

i hope you find immense happiness in this quest.